Online Dating Profiles come and go, people find boyfriends and girlfriends and checkout of the dating scene for a while, some never to return, others just go dark with their profiles until that relationship ends and they are ready to start again, like Taylor Swift’s song; Blank Space. Still there are other more bizarre things happening with the online dating profiles. Let’s talk
You see, not long ago, a nice gal confided in me that she was fed up with online dating. She asked me; “Have you come across people who have more than one profile, appearing as different individuals, but really the same person?”
Yes, but whenever I see that I feel it is a scam, same pictures on different profiles, they probably borrow the pictures from someone else too. As far as other places, I find writers do this because they have more than one specialty and don’t want to confuse or dilute their brand. I have used a pen name before, but don’t bother anymore, so I understand why, but I think that is the wrong way to play it, not just for moral reasons, but rather if everyone does that, then we end up allowing society to categorize us as one thing or another, rather than see the diversity in each individual, thus it does a disservice to the unique’ness of the “one” over the comfort of the many – philosophically speaking of course. Then my acquaintance explains her question deeper;
“I was really referring to two different profiles, two different sets of pics, appearances of two different individuals completely. It’s a total subterfuge. I’m always surprised at the games people play — it’s SO hard to keep my story straight when I’m telling the truth because life is complex.”
Yes, I’ve observed that scenario also, almost as if it is a Chat Bot or Artificial Intelligent program creating profiles. I’ve also heard of scorned women having two profiles so they can check up on their cheating boyfriend, gals have told me they’ve done that. On LinkedIn people make fake profiles so they can post comments in the forums under assumed names to make it look like people agree with them or more people disagree with you. It’s a political game they play too during elections. “Humans and Deception” seem to go hand-in-hand, nothing surprises me and as someone once said; nothing is as it seems.
What happened to the old days when dating was so much simpler? Well my friend those days are gone forever.
When it comes to online dating advice for men, you’re going to want to really explore it. Don’t just assume that you know what you’re doing. In fact, if you look online and are trying to date through a variety of different sites, you will most likely not get many dates. The reason why is simple; many don’t adhere to any online dating advice for men. In fact, many men assume that they know it all, and that’s the first big mistake you can make. To ensure that you’re moving forward the right way, consider a few simple tips to help you gain the upper hand.
- Pay Close Attention To The Text of a Profile
Before you send out a lot of messages, make sure that you pay attention to the text of a profile. When you’re replying, make sure that you make mention of some of the things that the person has written out. Doing so will help ensure that you are able to connect with someone on a social level. Of course, you may not get a reply, which is fine. When you are mulling over online dating advice for men, this is important, be patient.
- Take Good Pictures of Yourself (no selfies)
Don’t post a selfie. Instead, ask a friend or family member to take a picture of you that gives a picture of your whole body. Then take a picture of a hobby you have, while you’re enjoying it. Make sure that your images are sincere, diverse, and aren’t overtly sexual in any way. Smile, and look like you are having fun in your life. Let people in a little, so that they get a glimpse of how your personality truly is. Pictures that show you in proper light will be part of the best online dating advice for men you can get today.
- Pay For The Membership
One of the best pieces of advice you’re going to get from anywhere online, is this one, pay for the membership. When you actually focus on the best online dating advice for men, you will find this is one of the best tips. Paying for the membership fees of a website shows others that you’re serious. You’re serious about dating, and you are looking around for a mate. You will find that you will also get to talk to real people, and ask them out. In most cases, you can browse for free, but communication will cost you. You’re going to find that paying for this privilege is a bit much at first, but if you can get a few dates, and perhaps your soul mate, it’s not that much overall.
So many people have regrets. They feel sad, guilty or disappointed about the way things turned out and blame themselves for doing or not doing something that would have resulted in a different outcome. Their lives are tainted by thoughts of the past and “what if”.
Regrets can be about the choices that they made regarding their career or partner. Others involve losses or missed opportunities. A third group feel badly for words that were said or not said.
The past, of course, cannot be changed but there are things that can be done to resolve issues and/or hurts:
- Examine your perspective – Sometimes we hold onto things that others have long forgotten or we exaggerate their significance or impact. Holding everything inside without talking things through or seeking out objective advice leads to distorted perceptions. The hurt fester and grows. Think about the thing that is bothering you the most and summarize it in one written sentence. That way you will have clarity. Then consult with someone who can provide wise counsel and help you consider your options.
- Forgive – The only way to be truly free is to forgive yourself and those who have offended you. This does not mean that you will forget what happened. You need to remember so that you will not end up in a similar situation in the future. When you are able to replace your regret with thanks for the lessons learned, you will know that you have turned corner.
- Let Go – When another person or event causes you to be emotionally tied, then you have lost control. Do not allow your time, emotions or energy to continue to be trapped by something that has passed. Make a list of the emotions that you feel when you think about what happened and then make a promise to yourself that you will move forward. The opposite of love is not hate – it is apathy and when you are able to view the situation without the emotional upset, you are well on your way!
- Commit to Change – Develop a plan for the future that will prevent similar problems from occurring. For example, if you feel badly because someone died before you had a chance to visit then forbid procrastination from interfering with other relationships. Be determined to do things before time and opportunities pass.
When you feel like a victim and add anger or pain you end up with resentment or self-pity. These are very negative states that steal your health.
Unfortunately, things can happen in life that do not resolve on their own. It is up to you to make good choices so that you will be able to face each day with hope and laughter!
Is there something that you have been holding onto that needs to be resolved? If so, today is an excellent day to deal with it.
We are in an extraordinarily exciting and challenging time both at home, here in the United States, and internationally. We have seen an escalation of violence, mean spiritedness, hatred, lack of respect/dignity for and towards each other. Religious beliefs are being attacked and questioned. Integrity and morality seem to be hovering like a butterfly wanting to find the perfect flower to land on.
Where is the perfection? Where to look, who to trust, who to believe. What a quandary.
How do we begin to solve the issues that present themselves to us daily? We can look to, and put our trust in the government, officials, politicians, accountants or someone (anyone) to have all the answers. We can seek security in our jobs, businesses, partners, spouses, and community. But as was stated in one of the speeches in the recent political convention, we are better together!
What does that togetherness look like?
The noted anthropologist Margaret Meade said, “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed it’s the only thing that ever has.”
I am not endorsing any political party, but it is absolutely apparent that we can make a difference. We can affect changes. We are stronger together. Teamwork has always been more effective. If we are in alignment. Firstly we have to have some consensus on what the issues are. There are some issues that are very personal, and some impact us all. We have to find a way of respecting the personal so we can move to the communal.
We are at a critical time in our evolution.
The bigger questions must be how are we contributing to this beautiful Planet Earth we call our home; to our human brothers and sisters, rather than how can I line my own pockets. Please don’t misunderstand me, taking care of oneself (physically, financially, spiritually and emotionally) is first and foremost, AND it is important that we recognize that we are each other’s keepers. We do not exist in a vacuum. We have a responsibility to ensure that those who are unable to care for themselves, get cared for. We cannot turn our backs on the less abled.
Our houses are burning! (Better than crosses) If we don’t put out the fire, it will spread to our neighbor’s house, and the other neighbor’s and before long the entire community will be on fire. We will all suffer. We have to be invested into protecting our communities.
We have to learn ways of communicating with each other. We have to use the best and worst of our individual experiences, so that the shared values can emerge.
So how do we begin this monumental task of making changes? Firstly we have to be aware of our own thoughts, our feelings, our perceptions about each other and ourselves. In other words, we have to be mindful.
Mindfulness gives us the opportunity to be in the NOW. Totally. When we are present to what is happening to us, in us, around us, we get a sense of who we are, and we relate differently. We get into the higher vibration of the “moment.” We become observers and participants. We observe our bodies. How are we breathing? What are we feeling? Where are we feeling? We begin the self-examination. This helps to get us centered. We make better decisions when we are centered. We get the feeling and essence of being connected.
There are so many practices that can allow us access to our inner beings. We have to be willing to integrate that something special, something sacred into our daily lives. This exploration can give us a glimpse into the psychology of simply being human.
I believe that we are at the tipping point of going beyond the norm into a realm of expansive spiritual,scientific,religious,material and the break down of life as we have known it is making way for a break through to occur.
There are more questions than answers, and in the questioning; we may get the inner stirrings of how to begin solving the outer issues.
Delve into the inner you, so the shift can be seen, felt, experienced, and the ripple expand outward. The decision to change is personal, and the impact can be quite phenomenal. Our individual change might be the most revolutionary thing that is needed.
We are a major crossroad! The only way out is to move forward. Going backwards is not an option.
I mean, the only thing between you and that state of despair is your pride and surely love is better for one day than pride for a lifetime?
“NOTHING IS IN THE WAY, ONLY ON THE WAY. Yes, that’s the way to think about relationships.
You can control 50% of your life. Choose which 50% carefully. All people can only control 50% of their life but they don’t know which 50% they value controlling. So they end up trying to control all their life which is impossible. It’s called half hearted living. Do you want half hearted life? I doubt it and if you do, stop reading this article now.
You want to put your whole heart into what you do because there are no half hearted success stories. So, sometimes you have to control your wealth but let go control at home. It depends on your values doesn’t it.
NEVER GIVE 100%
The reason people get in a mess with love and relationships is that they think that a relationship is the be all and end all of life. Most people who admire love and relationships are depressed, like RUMI and Romeo. They weren’t happy. All their life (and poetry) was spent moaning that they couldn’t enjoy themselves without love and relationships. Gosh, there’s a whole world out there to love.
Relationships don’t solve problems. They actually bring problems to the surface, sort of make them worse. Relationships magnify problems. They feed on them. Sometimes people hope that their love and relationship will solve problems. It’s very seductive. I will solve all your problems and make your dreams come true, the sex is great and the promise is fabulous. Relationships promise to will solve problems but they don’t. The closest a relationship gets to solving a problem is that it makes having a problem less intense because it feels like there’s a second person going in to bat for you in life. But in my experience, even that has its limits.
The other reason people get into a mess in relationships is that they put too much mush into them. If you divide life into seven equal parts like: career, money, health, intelligence, friends, self and relationship you get a rough idea about the real context of relationship. A relationship is not life, love is. And you can’t love one person and hate another. 99% of relationship failure is caused by unresolved judgements about someone in the past, or their sister’s past or their brother’s past or their parent’s. They grind that axe and hold onto all sorts of distaste so then they can’t love that in their current partner either. Remember that every person has every trait. It’s like sucking a dog poo lolly while kissing a prince. It’s going to make a difference. The taste alone of a judgement or hate that’s dragging itself through a person’s life becomes permanent. They taste crap even when they meet their soul mate. So, smart thing would be to use mouthwash. Process dirty laundry from the past, emotional baggage and really turn up.
This is what makes the difference for me.
I value that life is a journey and even pain is important to teach and guide us. My pain has a purpose and so, when I have it, I let all the pain in and don’t hold onto anything. Sometimes I’ve gone for help to finish a discard form, other times I’ve been through a ream of paper, 400 sheets of paper, listing the discard. For me, opening my heart again to love each day is a big value. I make sure there are no grudges or regrets about anything in my life. By doing this, I learn more about myself, my work, my life, my people, my human nature in six minutes than a meditator learns in a lifetime.
Pains and challenges don’t get easier, but they do get shorter. My first heartbreak heart took 3 years to deal with, the last one, 3 hours. Yes, I’m good at the forms, but I do practice between performances, I do them regularly on little things so I’m confident on the big things.
So, here’s the rub about love and life from my viewpoint.
You can’t go wrong. You can’t go wrong trying. You can only go wrong half trying.
If you are in doubt pull out.
If you are being safe, or self protective, or cautious in love, it’s over.
There is no half.
You and your baggage come into the relationship boots and all. Otherwise it’s a joke, and you’ll be the punch line.
Give all and if it ends cop it sweet, right in the heart.
Love your ex, unconditionally.
A few hints on being confident and putting 100% of your heart into a relationship.
Create a routine that works for you as if you are single or as if you were single and do not change one molecule of it when you are double except you might swap out going to the pub with friends for a date night.
Compromise kills love and therefore relationships. You get to know yourself you keep doing those things that make you a good you even when you are in a relationship.
Focus on love in the other six areas of life as well as relationship. It’s the overloading of relationship with too much pressure to create happiness that causes their failure.
Focus on fulfilment and be fulfilled when you enter a relationship – don’t burden your relationship with the job of making you happy. The purpose of relationships is not happiness, and, happiness is like an Ogre, always hungry, never satisfied. Turn up in your relationship already fulfilled – then your relationship can last a lifetime.
Don’t focus on trying to please your partner all the time, you might be making a huge mistake.
Don’t wish for or start looking for someone with the same values as you. Someone who is pleased by the same things as you. That notion is so self-destructive. That’s a bitter pill. No mouthwash can kill the flavour of being a disappointed lover. If you think the essence of a great relationship is finding someone who wants what you want and thinks like you think about work and life, you will be hurting forever. No need for that.
Be True to Yourself
Remember that there’s only one person on earth who thinks like you, who wants what you want and who needs what you need in the quantities that you need. And that person is you. If you think you found a like minded soul, this is possible but if you think that they will want what you want in the order you want it in, think again. Anyone who gives you the impression that they want what you want in the order you want it, is tricking, seducing and manipulating you by making things easy. They are just making you happy so you surrender to them.
Trust nature, if two people are the same, one of them isn’t necessary. If you do find an exact replica, a person who thinks like you, resonates with you, walks and talks like you and wants what you want, then wear a hard hat because they will soon ask you to change.
All relationships are based on differences.
If there are seven areas of life, and your priorities are spiritual, mental and financial in that order, you can bet everything you own that their bottom three priorities will be financial, mental and spiritual in that order. This is how nature works. It’s not wrong. Deep down, the human spirit is non complaint. Only on the surface can we cause another person to subjugate their values. Deep down, intrinsically, we are all very powerful.
There are two sides to everyone. So, know the negatives and the positives of everyone and simply focus on the good news. That’s romantic. That’s seduction. It means “to please. ” So we seduce each other by focussing on what works, not criticising the 50% that doesn’t work. If you think you are without that 50/50 balance of positive and negative, go interview your ex partner, your kids or parents. They’ll give it to you with both barrels.
If your expectations of a partner are anything other than 50/50 positive negative then you are fantasising and this is great short term but eventually it’ll hurt you and them. You do what you can to seduce your date, but really, it’s an act. Deeply, you could if you chose, focus on the bad news or the good news. If you want a good home, be diligent, know the balance, focus on the good news.
People want their long term needs met.
Seduce means to give others what they want, and it will be very different to what you’d want if you were them. And this is why relationships are so challenging. While you are getting seduced you dream that this getting, this satisfaction is going to last forever. But your needs will expand and their needs will expand and you’ll eventually feel that your needs are not being met in some area. And then there’s a test.
Now what? Now that you find you’ve married someone who wants things you don’t want, what are you going to do? You know this is inevitable so do you get single while in a relationship, and just self-gratify, hoping to one day meet your perfect self in another person, or do you realise that by giving to your lover what they want they give to you what you want?
Are you one of the people who get into relationships with enthusiasm and then spend the rest of the time you are in it thinking about whether you made the right choice? This is human, but you need to shut that down by looking around at other people going, “my goodness, my partner has that but in a different form, my partner is therefore better, they are perfect. ”
Confusion or Clarity
Western ideology means we want what we haven’t got, so, when you are with one person (relationship) you want to be with the many (single) and when you are with the many (single) you want one (relationship)… in other words when you are single being double looks brilliant and when you are double being single looks like nirvana.
That’s the epitome of western ideology. We want what we haven’t got. It’s the driving force of the consumer society, our culture, our religions… simply we are conditioned to “want what we haven’t got. ” And this presents an dilemma for those who love the commercial world of business. If business success comes from wanting what you haven’t got, then are you doomed to continual dissatisfaction in relationship?
The whole business and financial model of the world runs on “wanting what we haven’t got – consumerism” even in Maoist countries it’s what feeds people. But at home, in love and relationship maybe the opposite works better.
In love “I need nothing, I want nothing and therefore I have everything” the Eastern model of want what you’ve got, is best.
I teach clients who have been in long term relationships a great game. Would you like to read about that? If so read on:
So, here’s the rub about Eastern thinking in a Western relationship. Lets say you are a woman, 29 and feel very beautiful in your clothes and body and work and life and you are dating a short fat man who has no money, smelly armpits, a hairy chest and eats like a pig on heat. So, you look up from your meal and there he is with food down his shirt, spaghetti on his bald head and snot dripping from his nose. He is making a grunting sound and his knife and fork haven’t left the napkin. His hands are up to their elbows in tomato sauce and he is on the phone talking to his ex. You look just past him and there is Brad Pitt. You slide off the chair in bliss. Your mind drifts and you are no longer at the table with short, fat, bald man you have left your body at the table and are sitting on Brad’s knee and he’s happy to see you if you know what I mean. So, now you want what you haven’t got right?
And in Western life, that’s unhappiness, dissatisfaction, lost interest, doubt, unromantic, heart closed, argument coming, gee I wish I wasn’t stuck in this horrible relationship thinking. Yes?
Here’s the genius for dealing with wanting what you haven’t got in a relationship (sabotage)
Imagine that there’s a competition and your child is in a race. Your kid is not the greatest runner, so they always lose. At the end they come up to you crying because they lost the race so what do you say to them? You find something to celebrate like “well, you didn’t come first but you were the best starter, or you didn’t win the running race but you went faster than you’ve done before or you looked great or tried hardest” Somehow you extract a take away from the event that proves an amazing universal truth. In every competition, everyone is a winner. That’s a universal law, not a platitude.
In nature, nothing is missing. So, although you might be looking across the table at Mr Piggy and looking past him to Brad Pitt, in nature’s eyes, they are equal. There is nothing Brad Pitt has got that your partner hasn’t. The only question is “what form?” Now, before we get into that I want to make a point clear. To compare your partner with other potential candidates is human. To have questions and see other attractive people is human. Even wearing one of those “Ned Kelly” helmets as some religions do to prevent people being attracted to them, is not going to prevent it. We compare, life is, nature is, competitive.
Apply that to business or sport and you are a winner. Apply it to relationship and you will be a loser. Don’t get messed up thinking you need to be Eastern in everything or you’ll end up half engaged in work and half engaged at home. You need to be diverse, open and have both. Apply the Western model of “I want what I haven’t got” to your work and sport and apply the Eastern model of “I want what I’ve got” to your relationship and health.